The past comes back to haunt you, even when you acknowledge the part you played. He did.
Your presence of mind becomes a Presence in mind and body for good,
so you are less affected by the negative pressures and principalities.
Don't resent what comes to light.
Bear the pain of failings.
Don't blame anyone.
Be aware of your past.
As it comes to light don't force don't dig it up.
Be aware of your part of the past or present trouble or involvements.
Noting the compulsiveness of your own behavior and attitudes,
you might then have some compassion upon those
who mistreated you in the past.
Can't help yourself, realize that you condemn ourselves.
As the rain fell, the large heavy droplets pounded against his face so hard that they stung his face. He ignored the burning and trudged determinedly up the incline, the force of the wind threatening to bend his thin frame back the way he had come. In the distance, he could see the docked ship, its port bow shrouded in a thin layer of fog that had surfaced up as the sudden rain collided with the steamy atmosphere of Mars. He stopped to light up a cigarette, cupping his hands to shield the flame from the windy rain. He knew that he only postponing because he was not sure whether they would welcome the sight of him alive. Maybe they would think him a ghost. He realized that his obsession with the past that led to his actions were his to bear alone, even though, had he given them a chance, they would have had his back. And with the way that events had played out in the end, he had no one to blame but himself.
He tossed away the sodden cigarette and continued towards the Bebop. A dim light could be seen in the captain’s porthole, and he wondered vaguely if Jet was preparing the ship for departure. He reached the dock, and listened for signs of the ship powering up for takeoff. He noticed that the ship had been repaired since the Red Dragon assault. He ignored the anxiety he felt within and made his way to the entrance.
Hey Mom, I’m home, he thought wryly, a half-grin adorning his face as he prepared to enter.
